samedi 16 janvier 2010

4:07 AM Suleymanie, Northern Iraq.

I can’t sleep.
It’s one of those nights. You know them.
Every part of my body seems to be in discomfort and every thought in my head seems to be screaming for attention.
And through the slit between these ridiculously hideous curtains a stream of fluorescent green light has decided to adorn the ceiling. Wonderful.
France 24 is the only decent channel so that is what’s playing on the television.

Anxiety.
It’s a bitch.

Anxious about what?
My future.
I am 23. What the fuck am I doing with my life?
I feel useless.
I worked hard at school, then at university. I got really good grades. I wrote a thesis. Now what?
I thought all that was supposed to get me somewhere.


Ok. I know for a fact that I am not the only one who’s panicking about this right now.
I know there are a lot of you.

So lets do this together.
This is what I am going to do and I encourage all of you to grab a pen and paper and do the same:

First let’s all think hard about what it is we wanted to be when we grow up
It can be anything: An astronaut, an engineer, an investment banker, a singer, an artist, a musician, a transvestite, married with children, a doctor, a ballerina…anything you want. We don’t judge.

Ok I’ll start:

I want to be famous for something brilliant.
Yes what a cliché, I know. I don’t care.
I have my reasons and they have nothing to do with being popular and super cool. No.
I mentioned earlier that this life is nothing but a fraction of a second in a timeline and I am not going anywhere without leaving my mark on that timeline. I don’t want to be an anonymous soul.
My father says that each life is like a firework. You can fizzle around a bit and then die out, or you can shoot up into the sky and explode and light up into millions and millions of colours.
So there.
I want to be famous. Don’t know for what yet. But I am sure it will come to me. Soon.


Ok, now that we got that out of the way lets make a list of the things that we have to get done in the immediate future.
I swear it helps because it will keep our minds busy and focused.
Let’s set ourselves goals and deadlines.
Also I think we should put the paper so that its always in our face. So like on the fridge or something. Not that I'm obsessed with my fridge. I swear. Ok, maybe a little.

I just finished making my list. I am not going to put it up because it will be boring for everyone but me. But I have it.

I feel better now.

You’re turn.

Also, I need a favour from my blog readers. I want you all to make sure I keep to these deadlines. Be aggressive if you have to.
I will do the same for you if you want.
If we are in this together I promise it will be easier.

3 commentaires:

Lana a dit…

when you grow older... next year... you will not stop feeling so anxious... but you will stop saying it out loud...

Salman a dit…

agreed. give me a couple of your deadlines, and i'll do the same.

Anonyme a dit…

i want to be Jebus!